@50NerdsofGrey ‘Do what you want!’ she cried lying back on the bed. ‘I love a man who takes control.’
‘OK’ he said and put her CDs into alphabetical order.
@ForgetTheMoose This year I’m printing my Christmas cards on trash bags to save everyone the extra step
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@50NerdsofGrey 
@SteveKoehler22 The NFL has hired their first female referee.
She will throw flags for penalties the teams
committed 5 years ago.
@zacharyflynn How about a game where Mario gets a job and gets his coins like the rest of us.
@MatCro [doctor’s]
INVISIBLE MAN: Am I cured doc?
DR: Your tests are all clear
IM: Is that good?
DR: [talking to wrong empty chair] I’m not sure
@FrogAvalanche Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim’s nose?
Accused: No. *cries into palms
Baby Judge: O, great, he’s disappeared again.
@SonOfCha I saw a commercial on Animal Planet where animals were talking & that’s all well & good but they totally got the giraffe’s accent wrong.
@theshantilly I may be nodding and smiling, but I’m secretly diagnosing you.
@Contwixt Atheists don’t seem to recognize church is worth it for the bake sales alone.
God, or no god, those are good Brownies.
@deloisivete Not to brag, but my kid asked me to guess an animal that starts with “komodo dra-” and I got it in one try
@TheBoydP Mammals for $500 Alex
“Slow moving mammals that spend most of their time sleeping & eating”
What are sloths?
“Wrong, What are coworkers”