I’ve always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, “So, what do we have here?”
Thoughts and prayers for my 17 year old. Nothing’s wrong with her. She’s just mad that she has to put gas in her own car on a cold day.
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What’s the purpose of hanging plants on your porch? Is it a warning to the other plants in the neighborhood that you’re not a house to be trifled with?
“we want grandkids” best i can do is graphic design
health teacher: so, all of our bodies are about 70% water
snowman exchange student: (raises hand)
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sorry this might take a while…
Thinking it’s a not a good thing when the pizza delivery guy knows my dog by name.
My neighbor told me I should start living my dreams so I had sex with his wife
7 barges into bathroom while I’m showering, laughs & says “I saw your peanut.”
He either mispronounced a word or made a hurtful observation.
According to my cousin’s diploma, he graduated from an “Institute of Fine Farts” because I just made an adjustment to it with a sharpie.
Annoying my husband while he watches Star Trek: “Why does everyone in the future wear upholstery fabrics?”