@LetGoBeFreeDoU

*Throws Pizza party
*B.Y.O.Pizza
*Gather All the pizza’s
*Kicks everyone out.

You Might Also Like

@squirrel74wkgn

You know that you’re officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses.

@TheBoydP

How many different places do you look for something before you decide it’s lost?

Men – 2

Women – 1,768

@DanMentos

“You did it!”
“You did it!”
“You did it!”
-dog watching me fail to solve a rubiks cube

@ohheyitskel

I stole a friend’s phone today and set it so it will autocorrect “I’ve” to “me’ve” and me’m really excited about it.

@FunnyBison

I will always try to sound smarter & make up words when talking to my doctor, like “pain in the crotchal area” or “difficulty extendilating my arms.”

@david8hughes

[police car behind me]
Me: shit, was that a red light back there?
My dog: like a light grey
Me: …
My dog: if that helps

@JimmerThatisAll

This day in history. 1963. The Beach Boys released “Be True to Your School” but I wasn’t taking orders from 5 guys who shared 1 surfboard.

@KatieBurnett

If they stop texting back you need to assume they’ve died and move on. If you see them out just smile because you ain’t afraid of no ghost

@MadHatterMommy

Me: You want to explain to me your presentation before you do it in class?
Kid: No mumma it will take too long for you to understand.