Tip: “At the same time” has more characters than “simultaneously.”
The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder.
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I just saw this in a group on Facebook, so I have no idea where it’s from, but my god, does this infuriate me. You can’t use the same symbol for two different letters!!!!
*harry walks into snape’s office*
“What is it Potter?”
*closes and locks door*
“I miss you”
“Harry…”
*puts finger on snape’s lips*
“Shhhhh”
Me: Siri set an alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I want to go to the gym before work.
Siri: Lol
My wife told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
I became a Veterinary Assistant because I’m always covered in dog hair and wear pajamas all day anyway
Look, all I know is none of this shit was going on when Mtv still played music videos.
Wife: Can you take the kale chips out of the oven?
Me: Sure. Can you hold the trash open?
I’m not an asshole. I’m just a guy who won’t tolerate stupidity unless it’s coming out of the mouth of a naked woman.
Based on how he reacts, you’d think my dog’s entire family was killed by pizza delivery guys.
“Daddy, what happens when we die?”
“You get married and have kids”