@LlamaInaTux

Titanic passenger: iceberg

Titanic chef: no its romaine

Passenger: *pointing* iceberg!

Chef: oh no!

Passenger:

Chef: we’ve served you the wrong salad

You Might Also Like

@SassyCanadian0

I’ll call it a smartphone the day I yell “where’s my smartphone?” And it yells
” Down here in the couch cushions”

@Aikiwomannc

Me: *excited as bird flies up to me* Aw a bird friend, hey little bird!

Bird: Sorry, I thought you were someone else.

@jihyoskatara

white people writing latinos in fics: i kissed my ten brothers and sisters goodbye and stepped out of my pueblo on the way to school. i blast gasolina in my headphones as i walk past the mariachi band. sometimes it’s hard para me to creer because i olvidar a switch languages

@TweetPotato314

[Hospital Parking Lot]

Me: I thought we were here to get your X Ray back.

Friend: Yeah *slashing tires* this is his car.

@reallifemommy3

If you need me I’ll be in the corner crying like a baby because I cleaned the house from top to bottom and then let the kids back in

@Jake_Vig

When someone compliments you, etiquette dictates that you respond with “That is accurate.”

@onion_an

Wife: Who is it?

Me [hand over phone]: The police, they say it’s now illegal to fake throw a ball

Dog in other room: [hangs up his phone]

@DurtMcHurtt

Bury me next to a kangaroo skeleton and put boxing gloves on me.