@ChefRonSullivan

To celebrate Boxing Day on Friday, I had a five minute training montage and beat the shit out of the biggest Russian I could find …

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@Sanbel11

Every day I learn something new as a parent. Today I learned I can’t sit through my daughter’s violin recital without a desire to die.

@TheCatWhisprer

Curling seems like the kind of game Mr. Miyagi would’ve made up to trick Daniel into cleaning his floors.

@sparticus_af

[murderer hunting me in the forest]

me: *quietly opens velcro wallet*

@MoistPork

I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestlé Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I’m exhausted.

@fuzzlime

god I hope there’s no such thing as reincarnation I’m way too tired to do this again

@Marlebean

I only put healthy stuff in my kid’s lunchbox so the teacher doesn’t judge me.

@Dad_At_Law

10 y/o daughter walked up to me and said, “My Father’s Day gift to you is me because without me, you wouldn’t be a father,” then she added, “You’re welcome,” before walking away and that about sums up being a father.

@Ivsy01

Him: How was your day?

Me: (watching a movie about a shark trapped in a grocery store) Very busy.