Today on twitter: Men not understanding hair parts.

You Might Also Like


“Expecto me to be there”

Harry Potter RSVPing to a party


Two reasons I don’t trust people:

1. I don’t know them.
2. I know them.


Taped a note to the beehive warning the Queen to recall her bees or face a flamethrower. Bitch called and told me to suck her bee clit. 🙁


Parent Tip: don’t tell your child “I’m waiting, I can wait all day if I have to” unless you’ve actually cleared your schedule for the day.


Fitness instructors who resist the temptation to yell out YOUR OTHER LEFT are alright.


If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn’t a balloon.


One quality im not looking for in a potential partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm


you can tell the new mad max movie takes place in a lawless post apocalyptic hellscape because not one person used their blinker


got bored and went to Home Depot wearing an orange apron to see how good i am at making up answers to peoples home repair questions