@J_Dazzle76 I’d be more inclined to grow up if I saw that it worked out for everyone else
@daemonic3 [traffic court]
Your honor, I’m here to dispute 4 of my 5 tickets
JUDGE: Repeat infractions?
Ok, I’m here to dispute ⁴/₅ of my tickets
You Might Also Like
@J_Dazzle76 
@TheAndrewNadeau ME: Onions make me cry.
HER: It’s from a compound called Syn-Propanethial-S-Oxide.
ME: I think it’s probably cuz an onion killed my parents.
@crunchenhanced She’s got a great personality!
It’s the other 6 personalities that I’m worried about….
@mariana057 What did this chicken ever do to them?? 😂😂😂
@OblivionDream The deadliest weapon is the mind. Unless you got a sword or something. Or a gun. If you have a gun, that’s definitely the best choice.
@funflaps [first day as a security guard] this painting needs eyes
@Floatersfinest I think the government looks at Twitter and thinks ‘This is WAY cheaper than Asylums’
@Mike_Bianchi The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
@TheTweetOfGod Warning: the life you are about to lead contains strong language, adult situations and nudity. Exister discretion is advised.
@Adyaces Just landed my first triple axel tripping over the cat