Not enough drugs in the world that would make me strip in front of a webcam. But a bottle of wine should do it.
Trains should still have a caboose, if you stop to watch it go by you should be rewarded with a good ending
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Me: Go to bed
5-year-old: One more question
5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter?
Me: Get some coffee
Are @bt_uk responsible for the crime and violence in our society? @funTweeters @TheComedyHumor @OurNameIsFun
I’m watching a documentary about show chickens and I think I found my people.
let us all return to a simpler time, such as when i believed astroturf was farmed in space and brought to earth
“It’s possible to touch birds!” I say suddenly. My coworkers stare at me. I wander outside to touch some birds.
I’m more comfortable hearing my five-year-old repeat swear words in public than I am hearing him say “uh-oh!” from another room.
Every time I hear someone say “The Lord works in mysterious ways,” I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.
What’s large, black and steals your credit cards?