@Dawn_M_
@VerbsRProudest Yes I wore a $900 fuchsia southern belle dress to your kid’s baptism. When I was your bridesmaid, you said I could always wear it again.
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@VerbsRProudest 
@squirrel74wkgn [at Goodwill store]
*buys pants that I gave them 6 months ago*
@Izianikapani I threw a boomerang yesterday and it didn’t come back. How long do you reckon before it’s safe to turn around?
@ComicBookNOW This is always good for a laugh.
@holycrapitsakat *Someone compliments me*
Me: *laughs* shut up! I am not, you lying piece of shit.
@jctwritesstuff So let me get this straight. A dude comes back to life after three days and no one cuts his head off?
@LostFelicia To the raisin I just beat to death with my shoe..
Eww! I thought you were a spider.
Eww! Someone’s bringing raisins in my house.
@mommajessiec Dinner is a great time for my family to come together to tell each other exactly what is wrong with the meal I made.
@themorris23 Ive always hated math because, in my head, all the word problems sounded like this:
The spaghetti envelopes are triangular. Find X.
@ScobeyWanKenobi The best part about being thirty is that I’m finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies.