@zoebread

πŸ™
turn that frown upside down
):

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@shawnhitch22

After handing a girl my mixtape I asked her if she was ready for TOTAL AURAL SATISFACTION not realizing what it had sounded like.

@backupbear

For anyone interested, you’ll find my complete Windows 8.1 review below:

Still sucks.

@GrowlyGrego

Choose your own adventure:

S O F A T H E R E Y E S P O P

Dad sees a soda?
Moving a couch for dad?
Obese girl with a vision problem?

@StanHels1ng

I feel so alive when I watch an object fall and shatter into hundreds of pieces. Not alive enough to clean up the mess though.

@leechee420

Shirts that say SWAG and YOLO for sale at Walmart. Because dressing like an idiot should be affordable.

@nerdcula

What if Jesus actually walked on Walter and that whole water thing was a typo that no one corrected coz there was no Twitter?

@egg_dog

HEY GRAPEFRUIT, know what else is a grape AND a fruit? GRAPES. yeah. so get your own name you citrus idiot

@Browtweaten

date: I wrote a book on lions

me: *mouthful of pasta* wouldn’t paper have been easier?

@ApocalypseBnG

How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead…

@trevso_electric

A few strategically placed “and shit’s” can really spice up your online dating profile (ie: “I’m attentive and shit…passionate and shit.”)