@StruggleDisplay

Twister but it’s just me trying to get out of bed after our son, daughter, dog, cat, 2 blankets, 5 stuffed animals and a light saber found their way into it

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@toomanycommas3

If it weren’t for addiction, I could have been a supermodel.

Bread is a hell of a drug.

@chillandwoke

[describing criminal to sketch artist]
His breath smelled like rotten eggs & bad cheese so draw a lot of those smelly lines by his mouth

@KalvinMacleod

It’s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.

@hipstermermaid

You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father’s Day, internet.

@SirEviscerate

*re-dials*
Hey girl, before I come over, did you say you were in a jacuzzi or the yakuza?

@maxverygoodboy

Hi everyone, welcome to Motorboat Club. Let’s get started on some sailing basics.
*Man in back row throws brochure on ground and storms out*

@Ameiam

They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it’s gone.