@CrackedIllusion People are great at finding evidence that supports their beliefs while dismissing any evidence that contradicts them.
@thematrixiscool Twitter is like the tenth time you’ve opened the fridge and there still isn’t anything good in it.
You Might Also Like
@CrackedIllusion 
@shanethevein Funny how bullies only bully people who are susceptible to bullying.
They don’t bully people who’d throat punch em without thinking twice.
@illTortuga I bet Usher shows everyone to their seats at his concerts.
@ilovepie84 The best way to see if someone is telling the truth is to tie them to a chair and start up the ol chainsaw.
@sbellelauren whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i’m doing god’s work
@XplodingUnicorn My 9-year-old brought a guinea pig to the table for lunch. Then she left to get something from the kitchen. Now the guinea pig and I are just staring at each other. Awkward lunch for two.
@TheDarkSideCEO Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs they’re not a door.
@jaslakhmna My boyfriend said it would be nice if once in a while he woke up to breakfast in bed…
I put his bed in the kitchen…
@English_Channel no matter how many years they’ve been practicing, a bagpipe player always sounds like they started learning that day
@MoistPork Dear guy sitting next to me at the bar wearing camouflage: I can still see you.