@Xalqee As if ” cray cray” wasn’t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to ” cray”….that’s just stu stu
@thematrixiscool Twitter is like the tenth time you’ve opened the fridge and there still isn’t anything good in it.
You Might Also Like
@Xalqee 
@imence2 Step 1:Make pillows with”Love” printed on them
Step 2:Become a lawyer
Step 3:Defend men who smother their GF with love
Step 4:Become rich
@Book_Krazy Me: I’ll take ‘Marriage’ for 800 Alex
Alex: Having one wife too many
Me: What is bigamy
Alex: Nooo. We were looking for, what is monogamy
@JimmerThatisAll I’d like to be alone now please sign out.
@orangecrushable My daughter dries dishes like she is a rich lady in the witness protection program trying to integrate into a small midwestern town.
@MissHavisham 7: Today in school we had to write 4 sentences about what we ate for breakfast his morning.
Me:
Him:
Me: I forgot to give you breakfast, didn’t I.
@HiddleDeeDee A student brought me 20 huge homemade chocolate chip cookies today. Good thing I have self-control–I saved one for my kids. To split.
@Angibangie Once I ‘get’ a man, how do I keep him, you ask?
It’s simple you idiot. I add cheese to everything. He makes lasagna; I add cheese. He wants to have a pass; I throw straight cheese. He wants to discuss fundamental physics; I buy string cheese…
@minkpinkustink relax, they say, as if that’s even a real thing
@TheFirstDudish As my girlfriend was trying on jeans, a clerk asked her “Need a bigger size?” I saw the look on her face and went to make room in the trunk.