Twitter taught me that:
1) Tweets don’t always have to make sense
2) People sure do love to answer rhetorical questions

You Might Also Like


Well well well if it isn’t the guy whose lawn I woke up on


As a parent, I spend far too much time identifying what’s stuck to the ceiling.


What I said:

What my kids hear:
Start looking for a toy that was lost 5 years ago.


If there’s a “Mr.” in front of your cat’s name you’re going to die alone.


I thought my cat was just quiet. Found out he’s been seething with anger for 8 years. But in a really, really cute way.


Why are you screaming my name? I’m right here..

Having sex is weird.


future historians will point to this and ask how we didn’t see the third world war coming


Me: I’ll start laundry at 6:00.
Also me: Well, it’s 6:02, so it’s too late to start laundry now.


You repeat the same mistakes expecting different results. I do this also

We are not the sane