@1followernodad

the funniest possible response to someone saying they were a gifted kid is to be like “really?”

@1followernodad

The scariest part of Psycho is when she gets in the shower and THEN turns it on.

@1followernodad

the most impressive scene in any spy movie is in Casino Royale when james bond is in a hotel shower and knows immediately how to use it.

@1followernodad

me: how can Americans be so arrogant?

also me: *is mad when United States is listed alphabetically instead of at the top of a list*

@1followernodad

If I had gone to Rydell High, I would have walked right up to Rizzo and asked, “Rizzo? Is that short for Chorizzo?”

@1followernodad

I’ve started replacing “yes” with “sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti.”

@1followernodad

My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I’m the town doctor.

@1followernodad

Can’t wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal.