@1followernodad

the funniest possible response to someone saying they were a gifted kid is to be like “really?”

@1followernodad

If I had gone to Rydell High, I would have walked right up to Rizzo and asked, “Rizzo? Is that short for Chorizzo?”

@1followernodad

I’ve started replacing “yes” with “sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti.”

@1followernodad

My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I’m the town doctor.

@1followernodad

Can’t wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal.

@1followernodad

Jaws is exceptionally funny if you just imagine the shark is trying to be friends with the guys on the boat and they keep running away.

@1followernodad

guys: women are a mystery.
women: Here is what we-
guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT?
women: well for start-
guys: Guess we’ll never know!

@1followernodad

the thing about the weather getting colder is that it makes you think you want to date someone when what you want is heavy socks