What if instead of startling someone you could stople them. Just like, do something that makes them instantly really relaxed
how did this penguin get in my apartment??!?!
A bouncy castle with a low cement ceiling to teach you not to have too much fun
why this chick look like a soccer player posing for senior pictures
Eggs are just drums you can only play once
Mrs. Jekyll: I’m eating for two
Dr. Jekyll: oh no not you too
Can u imagine getting married and having a family and staying in love until u die, then waiting in the afterlife for your wife to join you and she finally dies and ditches u for a dude she knew for three days on a boat instead?? Anyway I’d give Titanic a 9/10
[alternate universe where vegetables enforce the law]
person: *sees a robbery* I’m calling the crops
When I canceled my gym membership, I had to submit a too weak notice