My dad said it’s important to carry a compass when I go hiking, in case I ever get lost. I have no idea how drawing perfect circles will help, but I’m not one to question authority.
My favorite fruit salad is sangria.
If you want to know if your teenagers watered down your vodka put it in the freezer.
Welcome to your 50s, water now gives you heartburn.
My husband pissed me off so I poured a quart of oil under the hood of his truck. That should keep him busy.
My husband and I are having a Fitbit competition, so every day when he leaves for work I attach mine to our dog. I’m averaging 25,438 steps a day.
Yes opposites attract, my husband dunks basketballs and I dunk donuts.
Me: My car makes a weird noise when I turn.
Mechanic: For how long?
Me: Just until I’m done turning.
It took me 15 mins to explain to my 18yo son how to make Minute Rice, in case you were thinking about having kids.
M: a Bloody Mary with no celery, olives or tomato juice, but add extra bacon
H: She wants a plate of bacon and a shot of vodka.