Just landed my first triple axel tripping over the cat
It’s all about how much devastation you can leave in your wake.
No matter how much I shake my phone, you still won’t come out. Are you stuck? I think you’re stuck.
Dr: What seems to be the problem?
Me: It’s my hearing, Doctor.
Dr: Can you describe the symptoms?
Me: Mmm, well, there’s Homer, Bart….
Siri, where did I go wrong?
Siri: How long you got?
The first time I stayed at my girlfriends’ house, her dad wouldn’t let us sleep together.
Shame, he’s very attractive.
Her: Is my new concealer working?
Me: Who said that?
Never trust couscous. It’s just fat sand.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.