You guys beat up on Catholicism, but any time you need an exorcism, there you are dialing up the rectory.
Cute animal videos may be turning me vegetarian. Off the menu so far: donkeys, sugar gliders, and bumblebees born without wings.
You overpack for vacation and most of the stuff you don’t even wear, but your clothes need a vacation too. They seem to enjoy it.
You can take your favorite hat on vacation or you can take a junk hat in case you lose it. I have forgotten both.
I’m wondering if other dogs are afraid of Saint Bernards. Not like dog fighting, but morally.
“Drat!” Annie felt the unwelcome creep of human emotion intrude upon her sensible agenda.
We have one rule in this house and one rule only: nothing too lifelike that will scare you when you walk into a dark room.
There’s a whole baby vegetable industry that makes me wonder if we might be monsters.
I say make the bed the second you get out of it. My sister says let the sheets cool first. We each suspect the other of instability.
You want my friends and family rate? That’s double.
“Of course the water feels harder at higher speeds. The molecules have to separate.”
[You wish the chemist to whom you are married watched the Olympic diving trials just for the pretty girls. But when do you ever get what you want?]
I am no longer hungry. Nor is, I assume, the cicada I have just discovered crushed into the tread of my sneakers.
If you’re boarding first, dress casually. It’s no good unless everyone at the gate is surprised.
And another thing. People just want to eat a banana without ridicule. They need the potassium. What do you people have against potassium?
This is a wedding toast I made up you can use if you want:
Some say you aren’t good enough for him. Some say you aren’t good enough for her. I say you’re good enough for each other.