@Annekinns

Avoid getting invited to family reunions by asking your relatives for money.

@Annekinns

You’re having a big wedding? Cool. I’m having a Big Mac

@Annekinns

How much for the soulmate?

Ma’am, that’s a bag of Doritos.

@Annekinns

*Hits rock bottom.
*Receives welcome basket from Twitter.

@Annekinns

Always a bit depressed when I pass my ex’s house and see that it still hasn’t burned to the ground.

@Annekinns

*Receives good, solid, sound advice.

*Does exact opposite.

@Annekinns

A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.