Me: *falls down entire staircase*
(20 full seconds of silence)
People who think that children should be silent don’t realize that a quiet child usually means someone’s getting an unlicensed haircut.
If I were a bumblebee, this leg hair would be an asset.
How do I get Instacart to stop assigning dudes under 30 to my orders? Chad just earnestly queried whether I’d like him to replace my out-of-stock tampons with adult diapers.