@Bob_Janke I finally ordered Life Alert. I’m not old I just do a lot of stupid shit
@Bob_Janke @Bob_Janke [On the phone with my bookie]
Put it all on Jesus and let it ride
@Bob_Janke This cat looks like Wilford Brimley
@Bob_Janke Pulled a power move on the neighborhood dads by shoveling my driveway before it stopped snowing
@Bob_Janke Helena Bonham Carter eats eight spiders a day. Not in her sleep, just whenever.
@Bob_Janke Why are holiday dinners always so early. “Come over dinner is at 1 o’clock”
@Bob_Janke It’s true I hear voices in my head but they speak Russian so I have absolutely no idea what they’re saying
@Bob_Janke Give me the nuclear codes. No one would expect me to have them
@Bob_Janke If you send me game requests on Facebook I’ll visit an adult bookstore and tag you as being with me.
@Bob_Janke The government shut down. Monkey knife fights in my backyard in one hour BYOB