@BrassBallsCJ Someone want to tell my kids that the color of the bowl has NO EFFECT ON THE FLAVOR OF THE FOOD!!
@BrassBallsCJ @BrassBallsCJ At 2am, nothing creeps me out more than the shadowy silhouette of my 3 year old.
@BrassBallsCJ All these girls tweeting about going braless & I’m just over here on my back trying not to look like I have 2 bald guys in a headlock.
@BrassBallsCJ Alarm clock set for 6:00 am
Bladder set for 5:54 am
@BrassBallsCJ My superpower is finding the humor in nearly every situation. Uncle Bob’s superpower was flying. Landing… not so much. Lol
Priest: That’s your eulogy?
@BrassBallsCJ I avoid eye contact like everyone is trying to sell me $20 fundraiser popcorn.
@BrassBallsCJ Friend: I’m just not sure if she’s into me.
Me: Try faking your death. If she brings a date to your funeral, I’d say that’s a hard no.
@BrassBallsCJ How DARE you go the speed limit in a situation like this…
~Me, to anyone with the audacity to be in front of me when I’m running late.
@BrassBallsCJ If I take anymore ibuprofen, I’m going to have to log it as a snack.
@BrassBallsCJ Customer: I can’t see. How many sugar and fiber are in this bar?
Me: 7 sugar 5 fiber
C: That’s not very healthy… Just the smokes then.