My 3yo laughed and said look at this really funny picture of you Dad!
Then he held up my driver’s license
Hey! This is your home!
It’s kinda messy… but you’ll get use to that!
-my 6yo, welcoming his new baby sister 😂😂💀
My 3yo just straight-faced handed me a mirror and asked if I wanted to see something yucky!
I don’t care your religion, sexual preference or politics, if you’re a respectful person, I’ve have a drink with you…
Them: Great, I’ll order a decaf
Me: Get the hell out of my sight!
My 3yo doesn’t understand Where’s Wally and just keeps hiding the book from his brother
My parents kept me humble by having 6 kids and regularly forgetting my name
My theory is, “things can’t be too bad if I can still laugh about it”
This has led to me making jokes at WILDLY inappropriate times
I don’t get Twitter drama! I’m here to make friends, not argue
Me, 30 seconds later:
Either you stay with a comedian, or you leave long enough to become part of their routine