@CafeinatedBacon

My 3yo laughed and said look at this really funny picture of you Dad!

Then he held up my driver’s license

@CafeinatedBacon

Hey! This is your home!
It’s kinda messy… but you’ll get use to that!

-my 6yo, welcoming his new baby sister πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ’€

@CafeinatedBacon

My 3yo just straight-faced handed me a mirror and asked if I wanted to see something yucky!

@CafeinatedBacon

I don’t care your religion, sexual preference or politics, if you’re a respectful person, I’ve have a drink with you…

Them: Great, I’ll order a decaf

Me: Get the hell out of my sight!

@CafeinatedBacon

My 3yo doesn’t understand Where’s Wally and just keeps hiding the book from his brother

@CafeinatedBacon

My theory is, “things can’t be too bad if I can still laugh about it”

This has led to me making jokes at WILDLY inappropriate times

@CafeinatedBacon

I don’t get Twitter drama! I’m here to make friends, not argue

Me, 30 seconds later:

@CafeinatedBacon

Either you stay with a comedian, or you leave long enough to become part of their routine