left my toddler unsupervised with a bottle of glitter glue
It takes an entire village’s coffee to raise a child
Number of times I’ve cooked Mac and cheese: 1000
Number of times I’ve thrown the box and then picked it up from trash to read the instructions: 1024
The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink
Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section
How to shape your eyebrows
A thread
Not to brag but I already took down the Easter Tree
When walking by the school’s lost and found area dads can’t stop themselves from saying “you wanna go shopping, get a new coat?”
Amazed that my wife didn’t tell me that today our 8YO had a school field trip, for which both of us got multiple email reminders
7YO: Daddy you’re so talented
Me: Awww Thank Y..
7YO: …last night your snoring sounded like a pig was beat boxing
Who even sits in the middle on a sofa? Just buy corners and be done
The pricier the food, the faster kids drop it on the floor
My wife still brings up that one time in March 2015 I complained of tired legs while she was in labor
Kids at bedtime are like a nine page food blog for a simple ramen noodle recipe
Finished the cable concealer project. Finally my wife will be so proud of me