Gecko at McDonald’s crawl through:

I’ll have A Bug Mac, flies & a small snake.


Him: How close is the storm?

Me: Let me Google it.
*laptop blows away*

Pretty close.


Me: OK Fine. 𝑰’𝑳𝑳 cook the turkey this time for the Holiday.

[Family Dinner]
Me: Who wants burnt meat and who wants raw meat?


Baby Bella mushroom: Where did I come from?

Full of shiitake biology teacher:
Well when umami and udadi who love each other very much…


Me: You ate radishes.

Friend: How can you tell?

Me: You’re burping them.

F: They were really good radishes.

Me: Not from where I’m standing.