Him: Wanna go out Saturday?
Me: that’s my shower day.
I can pencil you in for Friday though.
Him: no thanks
Him: How close is the storm?
Me: Let me check
*laptop blows away*
F: The eyes on those dolls freak me out. I wish you’d get rid of them.
I meant get rid of the dolls not their eyes.
Me: reach something for me?
Tall guy: sure thing!
Me: I have an itch right under my left shoulder blade.
Defense lawyer: Oh great.
Client: What’s wrong with him?
Lawyer: His name is Thoreau D. Book.
Me: What do you say when someone shows you a pic of their ugly baby?
Friend: Just make a comment like “Look at all that hair!”
[looking at pic later on]
Me: Look at all that nose!
Him: I need to see license, registration and proof of insurance.
Me reaching for purse: again?? Speed dating at a cop convention sucks.
F: Why do we even have toenails anyway? It’s not like we can pick our nose with them.
Me: speak for yourself
Star Wars? Nope
Never had any interest in watching something that starred a woman whose hair made her look like one of my dad’s tractors.
Did you bring up enough for the rest of the class?
Heifer *chewing cud*
Teacher: Swallow it again then.