I took a shower bc hobo is an aesthetic not a scent
M: so I’ve been thinking
*all of the light bulbs in the house shatter*
This is my emotional support chloroform rag
There are so many of you I would love to hug and like two that I’m afraid they’d make me into a lampshade
It is I, three potatoes in a trench coat, here to avenge the death of my father, big daddy spud bottom
M: there are so many castles for sale in France!
H: but you wouldn’t know anyone there
M: that’s the best selling point there is!
Baby is your name pasture because you reek of pure bullshit
If there is no shredded cheese in my bra right now, I have failed
I just need to go ahead and admit it.
I’m not mature enough to live in a state called Idaho
I’m southern, healthy eating to me is having my potatoes mashed and not fried
9: I don’t get why that words with friends game mom plays is fun
13: it’s only fun because she’s old
I told my bosses I needed the day off tomorrow and they said “mom, when we say no, the answer is no.”
My dog: I need to go out
Me: it’s raining
Dog: out NOW
M: Okay but it’s raining
Dog: *walks outside* oh shit, it’s raining
“omg you’re filtered.. If you ever go missing no one will recognize you to find you”
Ummmm I’m not seeing the down side here
Do you think the earth is flat? Blink once for no, have a lobotomy for yes.