Just choking her is overrated. Fill the bed up with legos and choke slam her into the bed.
Sex but instead of moaning she yells YAAAAHAHAHOOOEEYYY like Goofy does evey time he falls
“What have you always wanted to try in bed?”
Getting a good nights sleep
Hand lotion, or as I like to call it
My sex drive is disrespectfully high for someone that gets winded walking up stairs
“You’re tattoos will look bad when you’re older”
So will the rest of me, what’s your point?
Ladies, if your man ever asks “who’s your daddy?” During sex, throw him off by screaming “You’re not my real dad!”
Brain: “something is wrong”
Me: “what is it?”
Brain: “you gotta guess ”
If someone at my funeral is like “he loved everyone” i just want you to know, I didn’t
I asked the Librarian if she had any books about Paranoia?
She leaned over and whispered “they’re right behind you … ”.
If I ever die while lifting at the gym, add more weights before calling 911.
People are ruining the word Daddy, my kids are going to have to call me ‘homie’ or some shit.