Who knew that a fighter jet could be a flight risk?
*runs away from Satan*
*runs towards cake*
I just put the crockpot on the counter.
Which is basically the Bat Signal for ✨starting tomorrow we’ll be eating the same thing for the next three days✨
This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.
Dateline was on an hour later than usual and hoo boy they’re sure lucky I don’t have a life
Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid.
I asked.
Twice.
Remember to kick Friday right in the panty hamster.
I accidentally relaxed my shoulders at work today and shapeshifted into a doormat.
If you gotta turn on the oven for nachos you might as well make a cake too. It’s in the bible, I think.
I had to stop food journaling when the potato numbers started rolling in.
I’m still thinking about some great eye contact I got last week. You know when your eyes lock and you both stop talking and just gaze?
Ugh.
Then he kept looking from my left eye to my right eye, back and forth like he was trying to enter my soul through my retinas.
Good stuff.
Setting my alarm for 3am.
Going to text this to a coworker and go back to bed until 6.
Then we’ll be even.
So last night I had a dream that the guy I’m crushing on was in my house. We napped in separate recliners. Seriously. That was the whole dream. We napped, fully clothed, in separate recliners.
The weirdest part? I walked him out when we were done.
Napping. In separate recliners
maybe my uterus is haunted, or maybe there’s an actual shark up there
I won twenty bucks on a lotto scratcher tonight – do I HAVE to go to work tomorrow?