@Cryptoterra

landlord put a coin-op pay box on the laundry a month into our stay so I’m looking up the manufacturer and buying a replacement key for it to steal my quarters back.

@Cryptoterra

I want to know what ideas were so bad that “horny cows” made it on the billboard

@Cryptoterra

someone is getting married down the street from me and their wedding geofilter works at my house

@Cryptoterra

Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I’ve been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed

@Cryptoterra

NOBODY MOVE THIS IS A ROBBERY! *other robber looks over at me* dude no you can move. We talked about this. Get the money

@Cryptoterra

Christian politicians hate science because they think it’s always talking about two Adams bonding

@Cryptoterra

We’ve got some ground rules in this house bro. if there’s a sock on the doorknob it means im trippin balls and think the door is a big foot

@Cryptoterra

all the sexy dinosaurs went extinct during the flirtatious period

@Cryptoterra

learn just enough tap dancing just to tap dance out of the room when you win an argument