@DavidAdt1

I am hoping the next jump in human evolution removes humanity’s desire to find plot holes in joke tweets.

@DavidAdt1

Bread, a tale of tears

I had a loaf in my grocery cart when something heavy fell on it. At home, as I am removing it from the car I closed the trunk on it. Once I got it out of the trunk it immediately broke through its bag and fell to the driveway.

Incredibly it tasted amazing

@DavidAdt1

Where it all went wrong

Me: Oh I love your hair, you look like a different person.

Her: Is that what you want?

@DavidAdt1

You’d think the neighbors wouldn’t be so upset about the helpful notes I left for them regarding their god awful Christmas decorations.

@DavidAdt1

Cashier: That will be $82.07.

Me: I’d like to use my 8 trillion rewards points towards this.

Cashier: That will be $82.03.