Whenever someone else takes a pic of me I like to make sure both my hands are showing so it doesn’t scream selfie like my selfies do.
Yes, it’s another four mat tweet.
I say I’m medibaked when I get high cause words are fun, but werges like fantabulous are even more bestacular.
Just because they call the 20yr high school reunion Prom 2.0 doesn’t mean you should wear your prom dress. I know this now.
Why put it off till tomorrow when you can get a jumpstart and start screwing it up today.
I’m at my most superstitious when there’s no wood in sight so I knock on paper three times. Hey, it’s made from trees and I don’t want to jinx myself.
Sorry I started scratching your bug bite as I asked if it still itches.
I’m tempted to start throwing glitter at people who refuse to wear masks. So sorry it got in your mouth and up your nose, I bet a mask would have prevented that.
It’s like nobody at this Bed Bath and Beyond appreciates me taking intimate selfies on every bed so I can decide which comforter brings out my natural beauty.
If you can pronounce Worcestershire I’ll assume you can do all sorts of fun things with your tongue.