@DearAuntAbby

Whenever someone else takes a pic of me I like to make sure both my hands are showing so it doesn’t scream selfie like my selfies do.

@DearAuntAbby

Doormat
Placemat
Yoga mat
Laundry mat

Yes, it’s another four mat tweet.

@DearAuntAbby

I say I’m medibaked when I get high cause words are fun, but werges like fantabulous are even more bestacular.

@DearAuntAbby

Just because they call the 20yr high school reunion Prom 2.0 doesn’t mean you should wear your prom dress. I know this now.

@DearAuntAbby

Why put it off till tomorrow when you can get a jumpstart and start screwing it up today.

@DearAuntAbby

I’m at my most superstitious when there’s no wood in sight so I knock on paper three times. Hey, it’s made from trees and I don’t want to jinx myself.

@DearAuntAbby

Sorry I started scratching your bug bite as I asked if it still itches.

@DearAuntAbby

I’m tempted to start throwing glitter at people who refuse to wear masks. So sorry it got in your mouth and up your nose, I bet a mask would have prevented that.

@DearAuntAbby

It’s like nobody at this Bed Bath and Beyond appreciates me taking intimate selfies on every bed so I can decide which comforter brings out my natural beauty.

@DearAuntAbby

If you can pronounce Worcestershire I’ll assume you can do all sorts of fun things with your tongue.