@DirtMcTurd

6: Dad what’s a Kardashian?
Me: Nobody really knows…
6: Sounds really stupid
Me: I love you

@DirtMcTurd

Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my girl’s hair. Its a nice way to let her know I love her and also that were out of napkins

@DirtMcTurd

A man started choking in the line at Wendys today. Luckily the manager jumped into action… And opened another register

@DirtMcTurd

One of the fake rooms at Ikea should just be a couple fighting as they try to put the furniture together

@DirtMcTurd

I took my family out to an authentic Chinese restaurant. My wife and I had chow mein and my daughter built 3 iPhones