I forgot how to panic. Help
[spoiler alert] Chemistry for Dummies is not about improving your sex life.
Get in, octopus. We’re gonna open jars and do some taxes.
Baby let’s play doctor. I’ll go first. You owe me $3200.
11,780 cans of beans on the wall…
You’re not alone. You have an ecosystem of microorganisms on your skin.
When I need a dose of logic and rational thinking I turn to my dog who has to this day never cut her own bangs.
teacher: what would you like to do when you grow up?
teacher: Poe, try
remains to be seen, not heard
me: when… when… when!
life: *continues grating*
Why do they call it the good book and not the almighty wrighty?
Sometimes I’m sandpaper and sometimes I’m chapstick and sometimes I’m bad at metaphors.
2020 is vacuuming a penny, then a quarter, then a cat.
Murder hornets don’t sting as bad as accidentally opening the front camera.
2019: Keto is a lifestyle
2020: Cheeto is a lifestyle