@English_Channel

Don’t let Hollywood fool you. I was in an orphanage for 13 yrs and we only broke into a song & choreographed dance twice

@English_Channel

a ‘suggested’ serving size of chips seems to have been calculated by someone who has never eaten a chip

@English_Channel

art teacher: …and that’s how you paint a face

picasso: *running in* sorry, i’m late. what did i miss?

@English_Channel

violence is never the answer unless you’re doing a crossword and it asks “behavior involving physical force” (8 letters)

@English_Channel

what’s another way to say “codependent psycho”? I want this dating profile to be perfect

@English_Channel

who knew parenting would entail saying “pick that up off the floor” followed by “and don’t put it in your mouth” so often