@English_Channel

[Garden Of Eden]

Adam: Is this your first time?

Eve: YES ADAM! Literally, everything I do is my “first time”, for the love of God please stop asking.

@English_Channel

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wore masks to hide their identities from all the other walking and talking turtles

@English_Channel

Don’t let Hollywood fool you. I was in an orphanage for 13 yrs and we only broke into a song & choreographed dance twice

@English_Channel

a ‘suggested’ serving size of chips seems to have been calculated by someone who has never eaten a chip

@English_Channel

art teacher: …and that’s how you paint a face

picasso: *running in* sorry, i’m late. what did i miss?

@English_Channel

violence is never the answer unless you’re doing a crossword and it asks “behavior involving physical force” (8 letters)

@English_Channel

what’s another way to say “codependent psycho”? I want this dating profile to be perfect