I know we are at war here, but, who didn’t pick up after their dog?
whoa.. whoa… whoa… we ain’t flying anywhere until you get some damn pants on
painter: do you want to put down the burrito while I paint your portrait?
me: absolutely not
Trevor eventually flunked out of dentistry school
This painting is titled ‘Mondays? Amirite?’
horse: hey, steve. how’s it going?
deer: hi, deborah. same crap, different day
no matter how many years they’ve been practicing, a bagpipe player always sounds like they started learning that day
when your spouse’s phone rings & they go to the other room to answer it
when you’re a gargoyle but also afraid of heights
a ‘suggested’ serving size of chips seems to have been calculated by someone who has never eaten a chip