“Just act natural,” I say to myself as I purchase a spade and two large bags of cement.
The puffer fish spends days creating a beautiful boudoir in which to lure a mate and I just want a man who can load the dishwasher properly.
Him: Let’s take the stairs!
Me: I think we should see other people.
If I’m carrying a torch for you it’s only because I want to set you on fire.
It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to comment further but that’s not going to stop me.
Predator taking off his mask, but it’s me removing the filters from my selfies.
I enjoy reading, long walks on the beach, and getting myself into situations where the only way out is to fake my own death.
Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.
Colleagues who feel the need to say “You either love me or hate me!” are oblivious to the fact that it’s always the latter.
Losing your spouse can be hard.
But it’s not impossible.