I’m fat but also mysterious *disappears in cloud of biscuits
It’s Friday after 2, setting automatic replies in outlook to just say “Chimichanga” with no further explanation.
[muffled voice] I love what you’ve done with your trunk.
Thank you for inviting me. Where are the unattended meat trays?
Rage Against the Severely Uncooperative TouchPad On this Dell
Sorry I jumped out from behind the Doritos display at Kroger and started choking you, I’m new to all this roleplay stuff.
Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”
Kinda hungry but my bowels still haven’t figured out what to do about yesterday.
Hi if you have three kids you will either do dishes twice a day or you will buy 3,439 forks.
Sorry I was late, couldn’t stop spelling banana.
“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”
Chemical wingman
When I share any information about my twenties with my kids, I preface it with “back when the dinosaurs were all still puppies,” and they just accept this.
Canned, not stirred.
[lights pickle]
HR said no more nunchucks.