@Gorrdano

You left the milk out so I burnt all your clothes. Welcome to an adult relationship.

@Gorrdano

A forest fire is the world’s way of adding black trees to the forest community.

@Gorrdano

So are these single women just throwing themselves against walls as they masturbate?

@Gorrdano

Sorry, I’m using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.

@Gorrdano

Is your wife buying too many shoes? Cut her feet off. There, done.

@Gorrdano

When the nun comes around to collect the offerings, I shell out a handful of change and a cucumber then give her a wink and a thumbs up.

@Gorrdano

Twitter should really come up with a “Temporarily hide user’s tweets until user gets their shit together” button.

@Gorrdano

I’m throwing myself a circumcision party tomorrow, so anybody with a scalpel and a steady hand, stop on by. Jews welcome only with gift.

@Gorrdano

I draw tombstones in sand at the beach beside couples who draw hearts and shit.

We don’t need people like that in this world.