You left the milk out so I burnt all your clothes. Welcome to an adult relationship.
Stop being racist to kettles.
A forest fire is the world’s way of adding black trees to the forest community.
So are these single women just throwing themselves against walls as they masturbate?
Sorry, I’m using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.
Is your wife buying too many shoes? Cut her feet off. There, done.
When the nun comes around to collect the offerings, I shell out a handful of change and a cucumber then give her a wink and a thumbs up.
Twitter should really come up with a “Temporarily hide user’s tweets until user gets their shit together” button.
I’m throwing myself a circumcision party tomorrow, so anybody with a scalpel and a steady hand, stop on by. Jews welcome only with gift.
I draw tombstones in sand at the beach beside couples who draw hearts and shit.
We don’t need people like that in this world.