*seductively annoys the shit out of you*
*frowns in Scottish*
Do as I scooby say, not as I scooby doo.
*me to my dog.
I can usually tell when a movie doesn’t use real dinosaurs.
*trips over an ice cube dropped on the floor*
Me: This is JUST like the Titanic!!
I hate people who use big words in tweets just to make themselves look perspicacious.
I like donuts.
Twitter:
My sense of humour has been described as “oh god..” and “please stop, this is a funeral”.
Instesd of avoiding typos, embrance them. No one will pint them out if you spell everythinj wring.
Billy Joel’s washing is still wet because he didn’t start the dryer.
Them: Do you know who you look like?
Me: No, and I’d prefer we kept it that way.
I was actually doing so well until your email found me.
Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.
Good morning, especially if they tried to make go to rehab and you said no, no, no.