If at first you don’t succeed you will get a lot of advice from people who didn’t succeed either.
My middle finger will be answering all questions today!
Me: Grandma died, can’t work today.
Boss: Thought she died last month?
Me: This time she is for real dead. We poked her with a stick.
CW: My wedding is going to be expensive!
Me: Wait till you see what the divorce is going to cost you!
People who eat hotdogs from a gas station, you know there’s faster ways to commit suicide?
I don’t think Nyquil knows what cherries taste like!
North Carolina just legalized same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Just ate at a Japanese restaurant and the entire staff was Hispanic. I don’t know what is real anymore!
If your wife asks which friend would you like to have a threesome with, name her. Not two of her friends. Trust me guys.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.