@Gupton68

Gandalf: NONE SHALL PASS

Pharmacist: in that case I suggest prune juice, it’s a great natural laxative

@Gupton68

I WON’T TELL YOU AGAIN!

~ me to my kids for the 387th time today

@Gupton68

the family mocked me when I said I was building a rocket to fire the hamster into space, but I notice they all subscribed to the YouTube channel to watch the official launch

@Gupton68

I started off my new fitness regime this morning with a run. It isn’t the only mistake I’ve made this week, but it’s certainly the biggest.

On the other hand however, hospital food’s much tastier than I expected.

@Gupton68

My daughter just asked for nunchucks for her 12th birthday. Have to say, I’m 50% proud, 30% amused and 100% terrified.

@Gupton68

The first rule of fight club is: you do not tell mom that I let you watch fight club, kids

@Gupton68

The first rule of fight club is: you do not tell mom that I let you watch fight club, kids

@Gupton68

I’ve had a lot of frank conversations with my daughters about the perils of growing up, drugs and boys and strangers and whatnot, but the one lesson I hope that sticks above all others is how they must be very, very careful about what they do to their eyebrows.

@Gupton68

If I learned just one thing as a parent, it’s that by the 3rd kid they can be juggling samurai swords and hand grenades and you won’t care as long as they’re doing it quietly.

@Gupton68

Prime ribs are just like regular ribs except they’re only divisible by themselves.