Valentine’s Day is all about punching people in the heart.
I’d travel halfway across the world just to drop an anvil on your head.
Remember you could bludgeon your enemy King with a wheel of cheese and eat the evidence.
Sawing a hole under the bottom of a table to steal a cooked ham is way harder than it looks like in cartoons.
My daughter said to a school bully “my dad will give you a fist sandwich with all the trimmings!
Now I’ve gotta defend her honour and beat the shit out of a 8 year old!
Golf would be better with landmines.
*bludgeons you with a block of cheese
The charge in my hair clippers died before I finished! I’ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
The roof of my mouth just healed from a McDonald’s apple pie I had in 1999
A leaf blower, but for people.