mandolin: finally a violin for men
ive taken a couple of survival classes and let me tell yall youre gonna cut urself trying to build something and die of an infection before the “raiders” come for your “water purification tablets”
the clam before the storm
just saw a guy pull down his sunglasses and look at a firetruck go by like a sexy lady in an 80s movie
computer simulation of what the punisher skull looked like when alive
shrek was successful because it was a farquadrant movie
Probably the reason planes don’t have horns is that no one could resist how funny it’d be to honk it a bunch as you crash into a mountain
lol
Sometimes you don’t realize how much you say “ooh la la” till they play your 911 call on the local news
Me, off my meds, pitching a cartoon movie: OK, so, you know how most toasters are cowards?
Attn Christian Parents: the band Kiss may sound innocent but their name is short for KISSING
7 year resume gap marked “Not Drugs”
Maybe print wouldn’t be dying if they still employed tough dirty children to yell at me to read all about it
Yall keep making fun of millennials you gonna regret all those karate lessons you bought us
I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution