@House_Feminist

Thanks McDonald’s for adding two order lanes that require everyone to cooperate and merge so I can be driven to a blinding rage and lose faith in humanity all before I get my fries

@House_Feminist

If you want my kids to actually act thankful on Thanksgiving serve kraft mac n cheese, goldfish and apple
juice.

@House_Feminist

My friend told me he doesn’t believe in having children so now I’m wondering if other people can see mine or if it’s just me

@House_Feminist

when swimming in the ocean always wear a hat so you don’t get sharks in your hair

@House_Feminist

My wish is for all women to love and accept their bodies but also for my body to be objectively the best even tho I’ll be v humble about it

@House_Feminist

“They say some of history’s greatest minds could function on very little sleep” I explain to squirrel as I water the car at 4am

@House_Feminist

Imagine having a baby that didn’t photograph well for Instagram. What a waste.

@House_Feminist

[introducing my children]

…and these cuties here are the 3 times I tried sex