@IGotsSmarts

If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can’t even finish this one

@IGotsSmarts

The sign at the zoo said “Please Don’t Touch The Animals” so I put away the book of poetry I was reading to them.

@IGotsSmarts

“Careful, there’s poop on the dance floor.” – how ballet was invented.

@IGotsSmarts

If I was a snake and I owned a ship I’d call it the S.S. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

@IGotsSmarts

“Stop pointing at my daughter!” – Kanye West yells at a compass.

@IGotsSmarts

She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically.