@Ivsy01

some people recharge in nature. some people recharge at the olive garden.

@Ivsy01

think of all the paper we are saving complaining online.

@Ivsy01

If you want to make someone happy, leave the room and come back in as an outdoor cedar soaking tub near a quiet cabin in Topanga.

@Ivsy01

i was skeptical about people paying money for my tweets but i just did the math and i could quite possibly make $5.98 a month.

@Ivsy01

my daughter told me she has a crush on a guy who plays a drug dealer on a show and i’m like oh you get that from me.

@Ivsy01

One time I overheard my coworker answer a question with ‘I don’t know, I was in Prague’ so that’s my go to now whenever I don’t have the answer to a question.

@Ivsy01

A guy in line just asked me to hold his coffee and I’m like I’m not looking for anything serious right now.

@Ivsy01

Him: How was your day?

Me: (watching a movie about a shark trapped in a grocery store) Very busy.

@Ivsy01

Just send him 60 texts explaining how you understand he needs his alone time.

@Ivsy01

People used to have to hunt for food now its like omg two people are in line ahead of me at Starbucks.