My CW said not to drink cows’ milk cuz we’re not cows so now I get why she drinks almond milk-she’s nuts.
Office Quidditch but the golden snitch is the last free donut.
Looking for some action?
Call my parents and tell them you heard the price of stamps are going up again.
Red wine has anti-inflammatory properties so if there is a god, she is a middle aged mom.
Wait, I thought Ionic Bond was James’s nerdy little brother.
Fun Fact: If you wear scrubs, people will tell you all kinds of unsolicited and disgusting problems.
You just found Jesus?
The rule is if no one claims him in 30 days you can keep him.
I wish I knew how to spell the crinkle sound a chip bag makes because that would be my future dog’s name.
CW: Allergy season! Is there something in here irritating you?
If I was meant to exercise, the good alcohol would be kept on the bottom shelf not the top.