@JJSummertime

My CW said not to drink cows’ milk cuz we’re not cows so now I get why she drinks almond milk-she’s nuts.

@JJSummertime

Bored?
Looking for some action?

Call my parents and tell them you heard the price of stamps are going up again.

@JJSummertime

Red wine has anti-inflammatory properties so if there is a god, she is a middle aged mom.

@JJSummertime

Fun Fact: If you wear scrubs, people will tell you all kinds of unsolicited and disgusting problems.

@JJSummertime

You just found Jesus?
The rule is if no one claims him in 30 days you can keep him.

@JJSummertime

I wish I knew how to spell the crinkle sound a chip bag makes because that would be my future dog’s name.

@JJSummertime

Me: Ah-chooo!
CW: Allergy season! Is there something in here irritating you?
Me: Everyday.

@JJSummertime

If I was meant to exercise, the good alcohol would be kept on the bottom shelf not the top.