Women never find it devilishly charming when I follow them into the lady’s room. Thanks a lot, “Top Gun”.
INTERVIEWER: According to your resume, you like to “move it move it.”
ME: That’s correct.
I: It goes on like for… 30 pages.
“Remember six seconds ago when you were comfortable?”
– oscillating fans
Couldn’t look worse today.
Time to run into an ex…
ME: Siri listen very carefully. I need you to quietly dial 911, and…
SIRI: I HAVE FOUND TWO RESTAURANTS WITHIN 5 MILES OF YOUR LOCATION.
“You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet.”
– If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI.
-me after every wine at the wine-tasting
When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the “math” part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes.